There's Lots I Don't Know

I gaze at the triangular conference call thing on the table. No one’s on the line. Or is someone on the line? Maybe someone’s on the line but they’re on mute. Or someone’s on the line and they’re silent. Or no one’s on the line. The team is seated around the table as the account supervisor holds forth, reviewing the project work plan.

I see it says 12 volts DC just above where the power cord is plugged in. It really says “12VDC” but I’m pretty sure that means 12 volts DC. Direct current. As opposed to alternating current. But I’m not completely sure. I’m not completely sure about the V and I’m not completely sure about the DC. I’m only sure about the 12.

The power adapter. What does that mean, adapter? Adapt to what?

I don’t even know what the fuck a volt is. Volts. Voltage. I know there’s such a thing as a nine-volt battery. Why is that the only battery we know by its voltage? The others are A, B, C, D, whatever. No. Not A. Double-A. Triple-A. Like baseball. Like minor-league baseball. For some reason, the system for identifying certain batteries that are suitable for smoke detectors and remote controls and other small appliances is the same system that is used to designate the lower rungs of professional baseball.

What the fuck is the voltage of a double-A battery? If it’s nine, I’m throwing up my hands.

Maybe every battery has to be nine volts but only one of them gets to be called that. I don’t know. How the fuck would I know?

The lights dim and flicker in our apartment when you turn the toaster on. You Google something like that, it says you might not be getting enough voltage. How could something like that be happening? Where the fuck did the missing volts go?

There’s electricity coursing through our bodies all the time. I’m pretty sure I read about that somewhere, or saw it on TV. We are electric beings. We touch things and some of our electricity goes there. Someone touches us. Their electricity flows into us. Electrons flying up and down the lengths of our arms at almost the speed of light. I’m pretty sure electrons travel close to the speed of light. But I may be completely wrong.

What the fuck is a watt? That’s something else to do with electricity. You talk about volts, you talk about watts. But fuck if I know.

Newton was a bit like Columbus. He made a big discovery, but he didn't know exactly what he had discovered – or how momentous his discovery really was.

When Newton discovered gravity, he discovered God. What is God – what could God possibly be – if not gravity? Without gravity, the entire universe would be completely empty and there would be no reality of any kind whatsoever. Think about it.

This view is consistent with other notions of God – or suspicions as to the nature of God, anyway. We are often tempted to assert that God is love. This sounds "right" in a sort of abstract, instinctive way – we like to imagine God as a ubiquitous, positive force. Well that's right. God is a ubiquitous, positive force. Literally. And it is love. Everything that binds or draws one thing to another, everything that staves off entropy, the single thing that has enabled matter to coalesce into worlds and higher and higher forms of life – it's simply gravity. And to the degree that we feel that God must be an agent in the life of the universe right down to the minutest elements in human affairs, well… that's true, too. Perhaps not in the way that we would like to think (God does not answer prayers, let's face it), but God – gravity!- is unquestionably the agent of everything that happens in the universe.

It's deceptively simple. We have overlooked it perhaps because it's too simple, and not satisfyingly romantic or spectacular to our overstimulated imaginations. Also, we have a foolish – tragic, sometimes – tendency to believe the greater the question, the more complex the answer. Often the opposite is the case. Good scientists and mathematicians really appreciate this paradox – when faced with a difficult problem, they know to look first for the simplest answer. And it's a law of troubleshooting, expressed in the owner's manual of practically any gadget: Not working? Make sure it's plugged in.

Looking for God? It's everywhere.