Thursday, August 13, 2009

Sitdown Comedy

The Bible is funny. There's a lot of things in it that seem pretty weird when you think about it. Not just Abraham being told to kill his kid and that type of thing. But little episodes. Like Jesus turning water into wine at some wedding. Always struck me as sorta funny.

Couple things about that.

First, getting Jesus Christ to turn water into wine is kind of like, I don't know, getting Superman to fly down to the 7-Eleven to get you a bag of Doritos. It's cool and everything, and it is miraculous, but... it ain't exactly giving sight to the blind. It's like wishing to a genie for a hundred candy bars.

Second, who forgot to buy enough wine for his daughter's wedding? Dude: you had plenty of time to shop. You knew how many guests would be there. You invited Jesus Christ, for Christ's sake. What's next? "Jesus, we're in an awful bind. We don't have enough boutonnieres for the groom's frat brothers. Little help?"

Moral of the story: Make the necessary goddamn preparations so Jesus can focus on redeeming mankind. True, the wine merchants are closed on Saturday. Plan ahead!