Wednesday, November 05, 2003

When I lived and Connecticut thoughts of moving to the City expanded in my mind until it seemed inevitable and once it did I had one dark vision: slogging up a sidewalk at night after work, looking for a street sign to mark the yawning black path to my anonymous home around the corner. And I was struck with depression at the thought of it and I figured whatever came, I'd have to fight that off, and it's true, I'd better.

This morning I walked to the subway on Central Park North on the beautiful wet sidewalk, matted with pale gold leaves and what appeared to be crushed, soggy yellow chalk. A panhandler approached me, Can I get sum breakfast?, and feeling guilty for having turned homeless Jeff away the other day I reached into my bag and pulled out I mournful little palmful of pennies, dimes and nickels. I placed it in the man's hand, must have been like thirty-seven cents, and he stared at it with some distaste.